On generational myopia:

We generally like to think that what defines who we are is merely the combination of our genetic makeup and the influence of our parents or guardians while growing up. We often sum this up as simply Nature and Nurture. But there is one more very important element: Time. Each human born into this world is born at a particular time and era. The overall moral, technological, intellectual and cultural spirit of such an era or time, known as the Zeitgeist, influences us tremendously. It determines what language(s) we speak and how it is spoken, what kind of food we eat, how we socialize, what’s cool, what we wear, et cetera. Try seeing a movie with a time setting of around 1930; try imagining how you’ll feel if you existed then as an adult with a lucid view. Since globalization was not as intense as it is now, people in different countries were very different and stuck to their cultures.

The idea of a throwback to a century ago might make us laugh. We consider the lifestyle lame and their the fashion sense somewhat uncool. More so, they socialized differently and operated crude gadgets. Compared to then, this feels like paradise. In summary, a lot has changed.

But change is continual. Presently, we admit there are changes going on. Still, deep within, most of us are unaware of how real and dramatic these changes are. To us, most things are more or less the same as they were a day, a week, a month or even a year ago. However, deep underneath, there are fundamental and structural changes taking place that is eroding some of the values, institutions, ideologies, systems and cultures we have attached ourselves to. These changes seep out through the media, in popular culture, or as some kind of weird new trend or rumor and we scoff at them; but they usually have the last laugh. Still, we regard them as extremism displayed by our godless youths and a sigh that the ‘end of the world’ is here.

Some of these changes gradually becoming the norm include the power dynamics, not just in nation-states but in families— among the husband and the wife; thanks to the internet, how we now socialize, how we shop, the less and less regard for decency and morality, rise in Atheism, sexuality and gender identification, LGBT rights, supernatural technologies like 5G and and cultural convergence, and I dare not fail to mention Feminism and the yet to calibrate influence of Social media among others.

Clearly, not all changes are easy to swallow. However, historically, those who fight global changes have always been marginalized or crushed beneath its weight— think of racists and homophobic individuals. But these changes are creating a whole new world and shaping as well as coloring the zeitgeist of this age. Often we find the elderly trying to hold on to the past, out of touch with current technologies and apps, and still choose to play very old records. This is a combination of habit and nostalgia, but sadly there is a third factor: Fear. Not fear of missing out but fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. This is destructive and psychological unhealthy. Moving with the times is essential not only for vitality and youth, but for creativity, increased wealth of experience as well as cognitive flexibility.

Concerning how these changes originate and how each generation’s value and culture ensue, this is a rough approximation of the process:

From the moment we are born, we experience the adult world with our parents and other adults, but through the eyes of a child. We can barely make sense of most things. We are surrounded by giants and wonder why they are so weird and often obsess over senseless stuff. Then gradually over the years we become aware of our peers and we use the play time to bond and share similar ideas suitable to our cognitive levels and imagination.

As we grow into our teen years, we determine amongst ourselves what’s cool and what’s lame. These influence how we walk, talk and dress. These are also consciously made to be different from those of our parents and other adults now in their middle ages as we flourish through our rebellious teen years—This is the core of the changes in value and style. Technologies and innovations only play the role of enhancing them.

Then we grow into our mid 20s and 30s and begin to pull our weights in the society; embellishing it with our new and cultivated values, ideas, styles and culture, structurally and as much as we can. Meanwhile, the former generation (a generation is roughly 22 years older than the next) now getting old in their 50s and 60s, will tend to oppose, castigate and judge the younger generation as immoral, materialistic, indecent and godless; while we consider them as simply irrelevant.

This continues until we are in our 40s and 50s and have shaped the world in our image but discover a new set of teenagers and young adults with different ideologies, style and taste, and we begin to judge, vilify and oppose them.

And so it goes on and on. Years turn to decades, and centuries and the world continues to change while God smiles down at us. Since we tend not to see this full picture consciously, and allow each generation to freely alter the state of things as is inevitable, we are trapped in a form of generational myopia. And we are the only ones that can extricate ourselves from this habit and tendency. Especially as we get older, it is important that we stay open-minded and embrace change, move with the generational tide and who knows— we might find it captivating.

Drugs, love and hearts yet unbroken…

Like an old man who have truly lived would say, “an awkward morning is better than a lonely night.” But what do old men know rather than a bunch of wisdom that struggles to adapt in this zeitgeist of sin of ours. By the way, I know this is supposed to be a psychology/ intellectual blog, but pretend it’s not for 2 minutes.

Days from now we’ll all go through the motion, or be expected to. Lovers will hold hands and have a good time in the name of a dead saint. Event centers and cinemas will take advantage of impulsive, hormonal youths, while alcohol will spill and drugs will reluctantly crawl down several throats with the matching order to alter reality and make the night something close to a fantasy. Thank god it’s a Friday, and thank god for drugs, sex and senselessness. Is it actually senseless if ‘everyone’ is doing it? Question for the old and irrelevant. I guess we too will join the fold one day, if we are lucky, and be charmingly referred to as old.

Whatever can happen will happen, right? Safe to say hearts will be broken. Perfect time for a bored, big-bellied, bow-legged husband man to cheat on his saintly wife. Or at least entertain the thought. Non-sinners will go to church and ‘parte’ the godly way. Partnerless single guys will probably just sit back and watch football pretending that’s where they actually wonna be.

Concerning this Crazy little thing called love, my advice to my friends is ‘don’t do it’. Has always been. My advice to the young and gullible is ‘do it slowly. One foot in front of the other and keep that adverb in mind’. Reason: I see no point in ceding power over you to another (flawed and naturally selfish) individual. God loves you. That’s good enough. Human love is fickle and human emotions vacillate. Emotions have a pendulum effect: when someone loves you passionately and you disappoint or break their heart, they don’t just stop loving you, they hate you…passionately. And every other series in between this spectrum. I believe you should like someone a lot, respect them, enjoy their company, and do all these on your god damn feet. And leave the falling to toddlers.

So, in this awkward little journey of life, while the clock ticks and the gap widens and the god forsaken encroaching decrepitude seems closer and closer, a little fun is expected, a little happiness is absolutely necessary. But a single night of extremism is definitely uncalled for. My qualms is mainly how careless people are with their hearts, don’t really care about their lungs or kidneys. A friend of mine who was nothing short of normal fell in love, then was heartbroken, and now is nothing short of a vegetable. Thinking about it, I guess he’s the reason why I’ve chosen to pen this down. So, smoke, drink, do drugs, experience everything if you must. But keep your heart yet unbroken, if you can.

Disclaimer:

The writer is by no means condoning or encouraging any form of hedonistic lifestyle but tells it as it is.

The Psychology and traits of a Sociopath

A Sociopath is simply someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). These are a set of individuals who find it nearly impossible to empathize or sympathize. With very little conscience and a lack of understanding of the feelings of others, they are comfortable perpetuating harm to others, playing mind games and displaying extremely negative behaviors unscrupulously and without any form of guilt. This has led many to believe the Sociopath has a deformed or smaller sized Amygdala (an almond-shape set of neurons located deep in the brain’s medial temporal lobe and shown to play a key role in the processing of emotions) like the Psychopath. This is certainly not true. Still in comparing the Sociopath with the Psychopath, think of it this way: you know how both the Sociopath and the Psychopath are heartless? It turns out the Sociopath is the good one.

According to the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM-5), people with ASPD engage in very aggressive behaviors without remorse, and may even harm themselves in the process without care or concern for their safety. This disorder can hardly be diagnosed during childhood until the individual is around the ages of 15 to 18, this is when a full and conclusive diagnosis can be made. Yet, during childhood, the little Sociopath may be prone to deceits and manipulation of peers and parents, incessant lying, bullying, killing and maiming of animals and pets for fun, etc, nevertheless, full diagnosis can only be done much later.

However, certain traits are often used in spotting a Sociopath. One of them is the fact that they usually deal in extremes. They exhibit extreme behaviors like dominance, charm, charisma, etc, which feels a bit unsettling and even slightly scary. Also, when these individuals watch someone else being harmed, say in a movie or real life, they feel neither compassion nor sympathy for the victim(s); instead they just may find humor in this and a sick twisted form of pleasure that stamps an ironic smile on their faces. Coupled with this, is the extremely positive or negative words they say.

On the ‘positive’ side, they make lofty promises and tell you how you are the ‘best thing in their life’, and how they will ‘always’ do this and that for you. They often assume an overly optimistic, enthusiastic and vivacious attitude. All to these are aimed at making their victims fall for their tricks or fall in love with them. This gives them a sense of control and dominance.

On the ‘negative’ side, they say extremely harmful things to hurt you. While other people may insult you, they will hit below the belt. Poking holes at your very insecurities, they say words that cut like a knife. Everything is a weapon: secrets shared in confidence, your greatest fears and insecurities, are weaponized and used as verbal assorts to cause maximum pain with no remorse.

Furthermore, Sociopaths display extreme behaviors like inflicting serious harm for revenge; sometimes for pleasure. In their laughter and smiles, you sense something malicious and slightly evil. They can also be extremely charming and witty. This is often how they sucker people into their snares and manipulate them into gaining their trust or confidence in a business deal or relationship. They can easily move from showering you with flattery and high praise, to dishing out verbal, physical and emotional assault in one sitting as soon as agitated and at the end of the day, find a way to blame it all on you. Note that while a normal individual may do this as a result of provocation, the Sociopath will do this without any sense of guilt or remorse, coupled with the deliberate use of extremely harmful words and/or actions and end up putting all the blame on you. A Sociopath never accepts blame.

Interestingly, most Sociopaths do not realize that they have this disorder. Certainly, they are aware that they are quite selfish and mean, but they tell themselves they are simply tough and toughness is vital in life. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world” they say and “in life it’s kill or be killed.” They do this to justify their personality, as well as side with people whose character and psychological makeup bears resemblance to theirs like the villain in a movie, gang members or criminals in the street whom they often show admiration for.

It is, therefore, important to look out for some of these behavioral patterns in individuals before you find yourself entangled with a Sociopath. One way of having an overall sense of whether or not you are dealing with kind of individual is definitely how you feel around them. In the presence of a Sociopath you feel fear. In your gut you feel like you’re in the presence of a predator. Something in you just wants to leave- end it all- whether a business deal, friendship or an intimate relationship. You feel like you are standing next to a snake and they can seriously harm you at anytime.

Therefore, inasmuch as you’re captivated by their larger than life personality and wit, if your instinct tells you to beware, beware!

References

1. American Psychiatric Association: DSM-5

2. Science Daily

3. healthline.com

The origin of boredom

For thousands of years, the human primate, like every other animal in the wild, have always had a life filled with danger and as such required great vigilance and labor. Our hunting and gathering habits necessitated the need to live as a community and exert collective efforts in the hunt for food, alertness to danger and protection of our young. There was also the need for an alpha male who had to earn this position through rigorous battles that confirm his undeniable strength and dominance (as is currently seen among Chimpanzees); as well as the securement of mating rights often bloodily contested to ensure that the best gene is passed on which increases the likelihood of the survival of the progeny.

More so, countless predators roamed around and therefore, life and survival was a very difficult and precarious game for the higher primate. In addition to the ordeal of surviving, food was hard to come by. Foraging and gathering was the norm but was in no way sufficient or steady. Hunting was beyond risky, for at the process, the youngsters can easily be attacked and killed by wild animals. Needless to say, life was insanely difficult.

But as time went on and centuries after centuries passed, life became a little easier. The language centers and cognitive functions of the brain of humans evolved greatly. Languages and better communication systems expanded with time. Better technologies were invented for constructing houses, farming and hunting. Culture evolved, and civilized society came to the fore among humans exploring different regions of the earth. Man became more organized and more rational.

Still life was hard as there were several senseless wars among kingdoms and empires. Natural disasters and Epidemics that could not be cured, contained or explained. But since man simply cannot stand admitting ignorance, ridiculous legends and myths were invented, explaining death, creation, diseases, natural disasters and even the stars. But overall, there were several deaths, suffering, poverty and diseases, as well as several ceremonies and dramatic circumstances that kept humans endlessly busy.

However, with the Industrial Revolution that started from mid 18th century down to the 19th century, necessity definitely led to the invention of so much technology that made work and life easier. As time went on, complex machines were invented that required little human effort for both home and work places. Standard of living especially in Europe and the United States improved greatly. Sequel to this, the first generation of computer was invented in the mid 20th century, followed by easier, smaller and smarter ones. To top it off, we were gifted with The Internet by the end of the 20th century and are currently inundated with supernatural technologies, systems, softwares, phones and gadgets that have made our lives incredibly easier compared to those of our ancestors. At the touch of a screen or push of a button, complex processes are carried out saving us an incredible amount of time and energy.

Interestingly, since this current lifestyle isn’t compatible with our evolutionary make up, as we were never designed to have this much free time or spend this little mental/physical effort on a daily bases, this had led to what is known as Boredom – a sort of lethargic weariness and restless that can be a bit depressing. Centuries of constant vigilance, hunting, migration, struggling and fighting have sort of been eroded by time in reality but not entirely in our nature. This has insidiously left us with a constant need to do something or find some form of entertainment always! Of course man has always been bored from time to time, but the propensity to be bored seems to have an increasing positive correlation with time. The ‘causation’ is what this article is mostly concerned with nevertheless.

Thanks to the Internet and similar desires among we humans, we have found and invented numerous ways to indulge and eliminate boredom. Some people cling to drugs, alcohol and other substances to alter their consciousness. Most of us simply pick up our smart phones. Also, due to the fact that countless contents are uploaded in countless languages by countless individuals in countless different places, this guarantees that, with the ease of access to the internet, our minds are constantly exposed to viral feeds-pictures, articles and videos; as well as limitless sources of information and entertainment. This reduces our attention span, keeps us addicted to our cell phones and make some of us Psychological slaves to that which we invented. The animalistic and addictive chase for entertainment, both in the real world but mostly online, leads to overindulgence. This is gradually becoming a destructive and never ending pleasure seeking habit.

In conclusion, it is understandable that the human animal, like most other mammals, is ruled by the pleasure principle- we gravitate towards pleasure and away from pain. Nonetheless, as painful as boredom can be, rather than run away from it to chase some futile entertainment, it can be harnessed and used as an opportunity to (for example) learn a very useful skill which after a while of boredom and frustration will translate into a higher pleasure and a source of power that leaves one a better and a more ‘evolved’ individual.

Narcissism: the roots

Narcissus

According to Greek mythology, there was a man named Narcissus. This man was a hunter, but more so, hunted the hearts of ladies and practically seduced everyone who met him or even saw him for he was as gorgeous as can be. It was as if the gods made him, took a while to stare at him and were left speechless. Narcissus grew up in a place called Thespiae in Boeotia and was obviously famous for his looks rather than his hunting skills.

Sadly, he had a flaw which time revealed to be tragic: he was immensely self absorbed. He had an unhealthy fixation with his physical appearance and how the public perceived him. This fixation with himself blinded him and made him arrogant and a bit inhuman. Tales were told of how he disdained so many that loved him which led some of them to take their own life in order to prove their devotion to his awesome beauty.

Interestingly, he knew he was beautiful for everyone desired him, but didn’t know to what extent until he saw his reflection in a pool. He stared at his divine image, which took his breath away, for such a long time and refused to leave the pool. He pined away in despair as he kept looking at his reflection so long that he died of starvation and thirst.

…Ya, I call bullsh*t at the dying of thirst while staring at a pool, but I guess a myth is suppose to sound that way so we know it’s a myth.

However, the fact remains that we are all narcissists (self absorbed) to an extent. Most of us are what the author Robert Greene refers to as functional narcissists. But some people suffer from the extreme which can be referred to as deep narcissism and can even be diagnosed as a form of personality disorder known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). When you meet such individuals, you can almost immediately tell that they need real psychological help.

The Roots

From the moment we are born, we naturally crave attention. Not just from our mothers as a necessity for survival, but from the people around us as we become toddlers. There was a natural need to have people look at us and pay attention to us. It made us feel recognized, appreciated and our self worth depended on it. The desire for attention motivates most of the things we do in life and people even go as far as committing a crime or attempting suicide to get it.

Unfortunately, as children, a point is reached where re realize that we cannot get all of the attention we desire as most people are self absorbed and our parents have to give their attention to our siblings, their friends and to each other. This reduction in the attention paid to us poked at our sense of self worth, among other things. So, in order for us to be able to cope with this pain, we created a self concept made up of the things we love, our talents and abilities, personality and how we look. This is referred to as self esteem, basically how we see ourself. For most people this is slightly rosier than reality. But whenever, as children, we are deprived of attention or even talked down on, we fall back to this and soothe ourselves. Still we unconsciously know that we might have over embellished our image of ourselves (how we esteem ourselves) so there is always a latent insecurity within us seeking validation; looking for someone to confirm whom we believe and imagine ourselves to be. We get defensive when this is poked at and are charmed by those who tell us what we want to hear or seem similar to us. This is why we are prone to flattery.

That, notwithstanding, there are a few individuals whom as children were not able to develop a cohesive sense of self. This was probably because they had a mother who inundated them with attention up to the point of suffocation and the child failed to develop a personal sense of self. Or they had a mother who paid no attention to them, therefore making the child feel no sense of self worth. Both scenarios leave the kids with no cohesive and healthy sense of self. They later spend their lives desperately seeking for attention to the point of caricature with very low self esteem and very high level of insecurity. The need to constantly gain attention keeps them self absorbed- unsure and always wondering about how people see them. While the former, whom as a teenager or an adult now lacks the quality and quantity of attention provided by the mother, and not having formed a reasonable sense of self during childhood, goes about seeking attention desperately, trying different personalities, becomes highly insecure and has no internal defense when insulted. Instead they lash out, become very resentful and full of despair for they take everything personally; In both cases (the former and later scenarios) this individuals as young adults put on fake confidence, which is often excessive and dramatic, to hide their insecurities. Needless to say, they can be very annoying.

Some of the male deep narcissists display excessive masculinity and show of dominance to hide their insecurity and low self esteem. When unfortunately called out on their bullsh*t, they will lash out voraciously and uncontrollably, and in their privacy are reduced to sobbing little children all over again.

As for the female deep narcissists, there is an overwhelming obsession to be liked and given attention even when the man (or woman) they are in a relationship with chooses to brutalize them. They fear rejection greatly and hinges all of their sense of self worth on what their partner says to them and how they look at them. Their insecurity can be cut with a knife and when (especially in these days of social media) they fail to get as much likes as they are comfortable with, or read a slightly critical comment about their picture(s) or work, they can easily fall into deep despair.

Finally, like I said, most of us develop from childhood (usually between the ages of 3 to 6) a sense of self worth and self image that is slightly more palatable to our egos than we actually are in reality. so we might feel a touch of some of these dysfunctional behaviors caused by the underlying doubts in our heads (that insidious and annoying voice) due to the mismatch between who we are in our heads versus who we are in the eyes of people. As such, it is natural to sometimes wonder “am I intelligent enough?” or “am I actually beautiful?” It’s cool….no, it’s normal. A functional narcissist can entertain these sentiments…but never too much!

A bit on Confidence

When I was 13 years old, I was involved in a football competition with a few of my peers. It was on a weekend, as usual; in the morning, and each team had to pick whomever they wanted to play for them, so we commenced picking.

Interestingly, there was this other kid standing by the corner-a new kid for we all knew each other. He obviously wanted to join us so it was a gamble picking him; until it wasn’t- we saw the confidence in his eyes and in his demeanor. It felt like he knew the game and only wanted to do us a favor by helping us win, which is weird cause he never said a word; you could just tell. Or so I thought.

Loads of minutes into the game, my team’s confidence (contracted from this new kid) started to wane as we discovered to our displeasure that this guy had no skill…none at all. He had fooled us without saying a word.

Confidence as a mental state comes from the belief in one’s ability. But believing a thing does not make it true, you might have simply been fed the wrong information. Your belief in what you know (or think you know) makes you bold and confident, which is attractive, but doesn’t change the fact that you have been misinformed and you’re none the wiser.

However, apart from the fact that confidence makes you attractive, it has an insidious way of creating a self fulfilling dynamic where the actual strength and intensity of belief in one self some how creates enough energy to do and achieve what one believes they can all because they think they can.

More-so, it’s been found that merely pretending to be confident and acting confident even when one lacks the self belief, has a way of tricking the brain into thinking the individual has the required capacity to fulfill what’s demanded, due to his or her posture, body language and actions, and so the brain gradually channels the needed energy and inspiration.

So the next time you find yourself feeling timid, spread your legs and arms wide, take a few deep breaths facing up. After which, say something weird like”I’m in charge of my reality”, or whatever works for you; see your confidence restored. Fake it till you make it.

I’m just gonna pretend this was worth posting!

Habits

The study of the human mind has many facets, as one would expect. For now, we’ll stick to what makes humans habit forming and how habits are formed:

Whenever a thought is had, or that thought is followed by an action; a neural pathway is created in the brain by a series of neurons. Because of this phenomenon, it makes it easier for that neural path to be followed again and again. It’s like folding a piece of paper; it leaves a crease on it that makes that area easier to fold than a new one. This is how habits are formed, and this is why a thought we have or action(s) we take tend to easily reoccur and most likely do. The more those particular neurons are activated and those pathways followed through the repetition of an action or thought, the more likely and easily they reoccur in the future. So the next time you find yourself sitting on the same spot or seat at that restaurant, or wondering why you keep using that particular mug for your coffee; remember it all started the first time you made that choice, and now all your lazy brain wants to is repeat; certainly easier than reinventing .

So it behooves us to be a little careful about our choices and actions as we’ll likely repeat them in the future due to what is known as “neural plasticity”- the ability of the brain to learn and readjust (chemically and/or physically) due to the repetition of an action or thought. Like we’ve been thought, actions create habits, habits create character, and character creates destiny.

Hate to end this on a ‘preachy’ note. I hope I don’t make a habit of it…

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”

~Aristotle